Victims of Rape

[ALEX]

I see a lot of people roleplaying rape and sexual assault victims these
days, and without offending them and their efforts, it often seems
as though all they know is what they glean from law&order (which
is an excellent show, of course.) It bothers me to see this played
wrong, so I felt I might give you a few dos/donts when choosing to
roleplay this kind of character.

I also use a lot of my personal experiences in writing this guide.
Thanks to all the people that helped me through that. <3

my interpretations of this can be wrong. please feel free to add
your thoughts.

first, a rape victim doesn't always say no.
well, yes, for it to be so legally they do. a lot of rapes go uninvesti-
gated because the girl doesn't say no and aren't able/are afraid to
say so. however, if they said no or not, they still meant to say it
and it was still against their will. therefore, the psychological sym-
ptoms are still present.

second, rape can happen to anyone and be done by anyone.
rape happens to anyone. it happens to girls who drink spiked drinks
and suddenly find themselves vulnerable, girls walking places, girls
in their own homes. it happens to thirty year olds, teenagers, and
children. (i've also heard about men being raped.)

it is not all perpetrated by creepy old men. sometimes it is, but you
don't have to stick with that stereotype. sometimes, rapists are jealous
boyfriends or other teenagers. they can be family members - i was
raped by my father. sometimes they themselves are drunk, sometimes
they aim to hurt, and other times they can't read the minds of
their victims and think that they're doing the right thing. other times,
they truly are messed up in the head.

third, a lot of people keep it quiet.
not everyone has the courage to go straight to the police and spill
the guts about everything. a lot of people make threats that for some
one who has just been horribly violated, are real and possible.

four, not everyone remembers the details.
i don't remember the details of my rape at all. my mind blocked
it out completely save for a few scattered memories. but does that
mean i don't feel the effects of it every day? absolutely not. what
i remember is the feeling of it happening, and it sends chills down
my spine.

some people remember them clearly, and it's frightening. a dear
friend of mine, also a rape victim, remembered her rape so
clearly that she developed horribly debilitating nightmares about it,
and she ended up killing herself.

fifth, there are a few key feelings that accompany rape.
the primary one, for me (and i may be very, very wrong) is a loss
of control. it often feels like you're utterly helpless and vulnerable -
all the time - and the rapist has all the power over you.
personal anecdote: i don't remember my rape, which is a frightening
thought because i don't remember all the things that could have
happened to me, and it feels like i have no control over my
body because i don't know what happened to it.

this feeling is often overlooked, but for me it's prominent.

the other one mentioned a lot is that feeling of being "dirty". it's
feeling really shameful, and feeling like it was your fault. a
lot of times, victims try to make excuses as to why it happened,
and blaming themselves is often the case.

anger towards the rapist is often a factor, but not always. right after
a rape, a victim will not be angry - try distressed, upset, confused,
and frightened. hatred is a factor later - i didn't start to hate my
rapist for three years afterwards. it took me three years to sort
out what happened.

rape victims are prone to depression, most likely because of
the above feelings. many rape victims to try to kill themselves, and
sadly, many succeed.

six, a few other psychological issues can manifest.
try bulimia, anorexia, self injury, anxiety, nightmare disorder, post
traumatic stress disorder (a very large one), depression, and general
insecurity.

seven, consider the culture that one grows up in.
this is more of a general writing tip, but every family has its own
values and culture, and the reactions to rape often are results
of this culture. in my family, appearance and weight are greatly
stressed, and when i was raped, my mind jumped to the conclusion
that my weight was the source of my problems, resulting in five
years of bulimia and two of self injury. you know?

eight, we can get through it.
i don't mean get over, i mean get through. it is possible to heal,
of course it is. i went on a trip to france this summer, for a month,
and it was instrumental for me, because i had a chance to relax
and come to terms with myself. do i still have problems with it?
absolutely. am i getting better? absolutely.

rapes don't just "happen", though, and you can't get through them
in a day. it's impossible, and it takes superhuman amounts of will-
power and strength to get through them. for all of you who have
survived a rape and are living healthy lives, congratulations! <3
you're a role model for all of us.